Broken Sparrow

Watch me drown myself in a lake of my own bitter, sorrow, fear, hurt, pain and utter disgust of my very own tears, watch me with your eyes of pure unmeasured hate and sadistic heart.

Watch me, yes you the one who’s the cause of this pain this is a two way street. I should’ve opened my spiritual eyes to see that you’re nothing but a lesson learnt.

We f#cked exchanged demons yet you still haunt me and it cannot let me go. I find people similar to you because your demons got a hold of me and yet you’re the one light hearted and so much happiness guess what my demons are within you and yet what am I doing here? sitting here, crying here and just allowing myself to hurt trying to let go of your demons.

Well I try to meet someone to be reminded of you, to be surrounded by you is what I want but cannot get your demons got a hold on me yet you know its your spell of hatred toward me, the bitterness someone else caused you.

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Rollercoaster of feelings 

I can always try

And be there for
You

You who hurt me
Despise me, bruise
Me and at the 
Same time make
Me feel good.

Is this life or a dream.
Is this a game am
I a option?
Am I a credit?

The pain in my life
is deeper than the 
darkest shadow in
The dungeons of a 
Soul not giving off
Any light.

Yet in my life I
Am troubled, by you
You who are people!

Where so I draw the line
Where you can see
It?

If I do then people will 
say no its not like
You.

My decisions are based
On my emotions. My
Heart is visible willing
To be beaten to a pulp
Of no more : love, hope,
security, peace, patience,
happiness, serenity and
Life.

This is if only the
Darkness of my heart
that feels like blocking 
every son of
a bitch
Out.

I am no trophy
No prize possession.

My words might 
seem cold and
heartless. But this 
is what you people
do to me when 
I feel discouraged.

I smile to fake 
it but actually try 
to break free from
the sin the darkness
the dungeon that
you have kept me
in.

Where do I make
a stand and people 
actually acknowledge
me?

fuck all the good 
ways because its
forgotten within days.

Will this humble heart
of what I actually think I
have make an 
impact on someone’s
life????

Fuck all the bull-shit
The stories and your
Games.

This time I fight
For me!!!

What do I mean
to people a silent 
pure gentle soul 
with rage and no 
control over emotional
roller-coaster.

My thoughts, my 
words, my feelings. 
The numb feeling
of no-one is there.

My presence is a
Mere formality.

You keep me in 
your company so 
that you people 
are not alone.
I am no class 
clown nor your
Personal joke.

I stand for me 
so fuck you and 
your formalities 
and the troubles 
you have put me 
through.

You people, what do 
I not mean to you?

This rage of loneliness 
flameless fire is set 
to be down no flame 
can withstand this 
life of a climate confusional
Weather.

Will this flame ever 
be ignited by your words called love???

Is it warm or just
a fragrance of your 
broken rotted heart?

Why do I feel that you 
people need me 
around for your 
pleasure and not mine.

Its about time I
draw this mother
fucking line.

Don’t dare go to 
sleep with a bad 
thought lingering of me. 
What I do. 
I might become your 
nightmare.

Where am I wrapped 
around??? Am I
Concrete?

Do you ever feel 
like u am this
brick wall waiting 
for some builder 
to create me to 
stand strong.

Will a graffiti artist 
spray-paint the truth 
on my wall. The 
true potential that 
you see in my 
soul.

The darkness does
it prevail within 
my heart, mind and soul?

Where do these words 
come from? I wanna 
know.

Who the fuck am
I to people?

Break a part of
me and I will get 
you back for the 
shit you put me 
through.

I am the water
dripping down 
the drain when 
you’re done showering 
,but I clog all the 
pipes within your 
home.

Your home might 
not feel safe,
If I don’t ever 
see you. I will
find what I mean 
to people when 
they find me.

Nov 6, 2011 

Why was I so broken? Because of this bully! 

10.03.2011


A piercing right through the veins of my body. The body that has been beaten and bruised. I look at myself in the mirror the mirror that shows a reflection of a bruised body. But doesn’t show the real hurt within ones self.

My body has been in battles that not always ended in blood but of tiredness too. My strength is not just masculinity but of soul mind and heart.

My body has been bruised by words of shame, disappointment and rage. Why is it my body that has been beaten since a young age a defenceless person I thought I would grow up to be. My body beaten by some what you call a bully.

A bully who finds pleasure in hurting a soul that’s defenceless even much too nice. See the grin upon bully’s face. Cause my body has called the police but nothing was done yet bully continued until my body grew older but not tired. See my body building shape. See my soul growing within my body. See my mind changing in seeing that bully is just a anger management session away and needed.

My body now growing I feel it now. You see bully and I stand eye to eye bully now no more hurt my body. Bruises will not be on my body.

You bully I have had enough of your cheap talk, silly walk and your lung disease stick polluting the air but mainly bully’s own lungs.

You see you feed your body with dosages of substances that only last a while. While I nurture this body of mine for much more than just a puff of time. Your body bully ain’t gonna last against mine. I see you bully becoming aware that the days of me being ashamed and defenceless has now disappeared but I appear before you bully standing up for myself cause no one wanted to stand up to you bully.

February 2011 damn man… 

07.02.11

I felt alone and almost forgotten. My thoughts of you have got me cornered about how,  I really feel. 
No day is the same if your voice is not the alarm that wakes me to start my day. 

My day started empty. No voice, no alarm. No alarm to start my day. A zombie bewitched as I walk a stray. No feeling just a blaze. I feel empty and a lil strange.

A mistaken call caused my heart beat to nearly knock at deaths door. You call again to say,  its wrong cause your fingers knew it had to dial me.

Your body seemed heartless and cold when you said I’ll speak to you tonight. When the moon has come out and the sun has set. 
Now a werewolf creeps next to me I scream for help but words seem to be like ice. Hard no shape. I tried speaking to your voicemail but the words were frozen, still hard and no shape.
When days are dark and friends are few,  your number is always available whether I’m near or far away from you. You might not be here right now cause slowly I feel alone and left in the dark. 

Locked in the basement of my own sin. I grew alone and got no one to come in. The darkness has blinded me from what was right in front of me. The tears now giving my eyes the cleanse it always needed now I see a bit clear but my feeling so blury.

You are my eyes I’m the days when I could not see that you are the one leading me. With no regret that I have found someone who says his heartless is so soft no sound.

The wind howls like the yearning of a ox being slaughtered. The blood on the knife so pure so soft the one who slaughtered felt no shame it was to be one of sacrifice but now looks of shame. The ox life has been taken for what? A sacrifice? But it looks more of pain. 

Written in 2011 damn how the times flies…. 

Hatch

Hi sparrow, quick question? If your words were a weapon would you use them to do harm or do good?

F#*% that lemme just bite this bullet. I know you can’t because your words were bitter and a pill quite to hard to swallow. Swallow? nah, i’m a sparrow, look at my wings bitch, look at the rain your tears oops was that the same words you used against me? Nah, just you sit back and enjoy this but right now its pointless.

You’re just a maggot yeah you got that right manifesting on another host cause you cannot grow on your own.

Watch me fly b*tch with the wings I’ve earned and you yet to hatch!